So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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