I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
