as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize