PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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