Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize