The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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