I just cut my nipple shaving
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
