Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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