I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
