R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
