Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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