Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
