I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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