I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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