Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
