I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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