I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
