ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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