i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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