I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
