We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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