Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
