It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
