From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
