Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
