he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
