I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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