we're blogging at a bar
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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