She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You may now shotgun with the bride
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
