she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
