the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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