Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do herpes really smell.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
