What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
