She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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