Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
