Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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