jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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