You just made me feel so damn special
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
