Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
