remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
is that a dick in a sweater?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
