Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
