if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize