I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
