No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
