Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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