i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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