Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
