we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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