M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
