Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
