Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
