Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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