I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
