There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
