Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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