I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
