Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys

(214): View more from Texas

I hope to god you are high

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(219): View more from Indiana

I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.

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(509): View more from Washington

I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

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(770): View more from Georgia

just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

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(315): View more from New York

I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.

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(425): View more from Washington

I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?

(1-425): View more from Washington

you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.

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