You made me cry and you don't even care
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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