It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
