Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
