My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
is it fun? or sober?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
