margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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