your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
