I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
