You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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