why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
