Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I will be naked everywhere
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
