I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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