so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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