My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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