coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
