you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
