So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
