Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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