my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
