we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
