At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
