just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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