she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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