Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just puked most of my soul out..
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