Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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