we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
