How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
