its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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